Once upon a time,the world was ruled by the Romans (also known by some as The Foot). Then Jesus was born and his mother hated him very much, partly because he was a mistake and also a mutant. In a way, he had a lot in common with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Like the Ninja Turtles, Jesus would eventually go on to defeat Satan (Shredder). Some theologians argue that Jesus used sais, while other suggest he was more of a bo staff kind of guy. Personally, I think he used katanas, because he was badass like that, and nun-chucks just suck.

Jesus was a cool guy because he inadvertently caused Judas to kill himself, because Judas couldn't live with the fact that he kissed a dude. People weren't very accepting of homosexuality back then, and they still aren't today. I think Jesus would be fine with gay marriage because he let Judas kiss him, even though he knew it would get him killed. But he didn't die, for Jesus knew the cheat code to turn God-mode on. I think Jesus would have been very good at Black & White, because his father taught him everything he knew, like how to make stuff, which is why Jesus became a carpenter, and how to flood the world, even though Jesus only wet himself a little when he died.

Jesus wanted his life story to be recorded so that his wizardry would be remembered forever and people would have lots of wars over who was the most powerful sorcerer, but he didn't want to write himself so he had Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John do it. Others tried to write about him, but Jesus threw their work away. If I were Jesus, I would have asked them to make it a little more clear that Boo Berry is the greatest cereal of all time and anyone who disagrees is a heretic. In summation, I think that Jesus is delicious but his blood-alcohol level is questionable.

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He speaks the true, inner, unreleased and untapped minds of this generation bred on MTV. 5/5, +Fav, A+, :sex4u:

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Did you get this from 4chan?

You suck.

Actually, when you die you shit your pants.

Captain Crunch is superior.

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No.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/47133235/

I am rubber and you are glue. What liquids you excrete bounce off of me and leave stains on you.

I thought you did both.

I'd rather have an orgasm in my mouth than have the roof cut up, thank you very much.

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Captain Crunch gives me the shits, and gets stuck in my teeth too easily, but I eat it anyways.

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Cookie Crisp is the best dumbasses.

Also: isn't pissing like 1/10th of an orgasm? I heard that somewhere (although I really don't believe it).

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But.. but what about the part where he becomes a cyborg.. >.>

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http://notdan.deviantart.com/

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I think I tried to write a story like that once, but scrapped it.


EDIT: Found it, saved under Etymology of Cyborg Jesus.
I should have burned it, amirite?

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You guys are fucking STUPID.


Lucky Charms is easily the tastiest and most representative of our lazy internet trolling nerdfest of a life.

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I'd say its a close second behind the Captain.

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That thing is stupid.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch, pown

Also good ol' frosted cheerios

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http://notdan.deviantart.com/

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I like my cereal with peanut butter thrown in.

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Jesus Christ Devilframe, fucking raid my pantry sometime, won't ya? We can have wondeful cereal mascot costumed fucking furry sex some time.


If that made any sense. It was just a sarcastic joke that wasn't funny saying we have VERY similiar tastes, according to this thread.


Oh, and Lucky Charms is fucking disgusting. I don't know if it's because I hate marshmallows, or those fucking disgusting bready thingies, but Jesus is it unedible.


Buying Raison Bran and Trix tomorrow, aye.

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COOKIE CRISP GOD DAMNIT. Or Cocoa Puffs, or Cinnamon Toast Crunch, or Honey Nut Cheerios.

It's all the same shit.

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Jesus Christ, how can you eat all that chocolately shit?


I dunno, maybe it's just because I'm lactose intolerant...

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Soggy Fruity Pebbles with peanut butter thrown in is godly.

As is cinnamon-toast waffles with cream cheese and syrup.

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The only chocolatey thing on there is Cocoa Puffs. Cookie Crisp doesn't taste like chocolate at all.

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